15 October 1977 Continued
At least there will be no real involvement and that is a secure feeing for me. Maybe that’s a sad thought but I am almost afraid/ uneasy about sexual relationships. Everyone wants to do it etc and I am slower, not always into it. I don’t like obligations at all and I try to not hold others to them. Sex is weird. It is a piercing thing, it goes way inside, it exposes, it might be theatrical, too revealing yet not, so point blank. Sure it can be fun while it is happening but I don’t have a lot of cherishing memories around it. It seems unnecessary when I look back (or look forward to another adventure), even if it is a hot and heavy affair this is the way things are for me; I realize it is not the general conception of sex for our liberated youth of today. This kind of alienation is touched upon by Punk too.
Women, we get entered. We don’t have divine contact. The partner does. And he’s watched a ton of movie made by men who also don’t have roadmaps to female orgasm. There’s more to be said on this but most of it I write in the 1990’s.